Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
