why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
