you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize