if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
