So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
