And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
