About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't notice because vodka
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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