Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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