Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
