Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
