Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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