so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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