Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
