We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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