Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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