She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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