isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
