She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
