the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
