their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
