when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
