absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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