they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I touched a dick in church today
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
