She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
