barbara walters just said penis...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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