i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
