Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
