Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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