i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
