I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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