she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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