I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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