the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
