Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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