No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
