Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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