things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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