Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
