So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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