ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
