Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
