they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sarcasm needs its own font
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
