by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize