I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
