I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
love makes seman taste better
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
