i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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