Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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