Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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