I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
how drunk are you?
Several
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
