So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
