I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
