Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Panties = found
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
