I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i was born a porn star she said
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
