I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
