I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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