i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
