Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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