I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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